Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Griswold Chronicles

I originally started this as one post and two pages in realized that I could write half a novel before the end. So, I have decided to make it a series (hopefully, if I keep it up and my family doesn’t kill me and dump my body in the lake). Every year my tradition is to watch National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation before Thanksgiving and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation before Christmas. I love these movies because they so perfectly represent my family. I’m having a hard time deciding which thing to tell you first. I have decided that the following will give you an idea of the state of things (and of things to come).

Warning: This is not G-rated. There will be words in here you probably don’t want your small child reading.

I have a cousin who is very fond of colorful language. She and her husband both are. Naturally, her children picked this up. One of the children, when she was almost two years old, could say, “idiot dumb ass” with better clarity than I can. It was her favorite phrase at the time. I should back up here and say that no one else in my family uses this language on a regular basis. Some never do. I do once in a while when I am mad or something’s not working right or to make a point, but it is definitely not an every day occurrence. The same goes for my small hometown. It is, for the most part, filled with God-fearing, tee-totaling citizens. Which makes this story even funnier (and more embarrassing, if you want to look at it that way).

My grandparents' house is a little ways off the road at the top of a hill. At the bottom of that hill and off to the side of the hill where my grandparents' house sits is an old log cabin that my grandfather moved to the property. He decided to make the inside modern so that people could stay there. Once while my cousin and her family were visiting, they were staying in this cabin. As my dad was driving home, he saw her three children standing near the bottom of the hill beside the cabin, lined up side-by-side. At the time, they were all under six years old. When he got closer he realized what they were doing. Every time a car passed in front of them on the road, each followed the car with one hand flipping the bird, while yelling LOOOSEEERS!

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