Saturday, November 20, 2010
Do you have any big what ifs in your life? I do. We all do, right? I wonder things like what if I hadn't changed my mind about what kind of grad school to do or what if it had worked out with that guy in college? I also wonder random things like what if I had been born in a different country? How would I feel about America if I was not from America? What if I could sing? Perform magic? Ok, I'm getting off topic. I have a very active imagination. I also believe something that some would probably not agree with. I don't believe that there is only one person in the world that every other person could be happy with. I'm sort of stuck in a theoretical circle. You see, I completely believe that Ben and I are meant to be together. On the other hand, I also believe that if I had never met Ben, I could still be as happy as I am with someone else. I don't know if I would be as happy as I am with Ben. I'm just saying I believe it is possible. I know, so unromantic for someone as hopelessly romantic as me. My point is that I think our lives start out with infinite paths ahead of us which are more or less equal in terms of our happiness. There are also paths which lead to unhappiness. Of the happy paths, our lives are a process of narrowing those paths. We decide who to be friends with, what schools to go to, who to marry, where to live, and so on. If we had chosen differently, we would still have what if thoughts. In the words of Tim McGraw, "Well you do what you do and you pay for your sins and there's no such thing as what might have been, that's a waste of time, drive you out of your mind." I don't regret the way my life is now. I love it. But I'm a curious person, I'll still wonder sometimes. Do you?
If you are one of my facebook friends, or you've left me a voicemail or email recently, you can tell that today I am catching up on a lot of things. One of those things is reading some of my favorite blogs. The wife of a guy I went to college with had a post recently on funny text messages because smart phones sometimes help too much. It reminded me of an email I got from Ben about a month ago. We have some nicknames for each other and sometimes sign our emails to each other with them, but this email was signed with something I hadn't seen before - Banana. One of my nicknames for Ben is Benoni. His ancestors are french and some were named Benjamin but used Benoni, sort of a version of Benjamin, as a nickname. Sometimes Ben signs his emails Benoni, but this time his phone changed it to Banana. He didn't realize it before he sent the email, so I received an email signed Banana. I love you Banana!
I did get a job. I received the offer in July, went on vacation in August, and started work the day after coming home from vacation. I haven't had a moment of free time since! As you can see, I still have the blog. My hope is that I will have more time to post in the future. I have pictures to post as soon as I can find the time to download them from my camera.