Saturday, November 20, 2010

What Ifs

Do you have any big what ifs in your life? I do. We all do, right? I wonder things like what if I hadn't changed my mind about what kind of grad school to do or what if it had worked out with that guy in college? I also wonder random things like what if I had been born in a different country? How would I feel about America if I was not from America? What if I could sing? Perform magic? Ok, I'm getting off topic. I have a very active imagination. I also believe something that some would probably not agree with. I don't believe that there is only one person in the world that every other person could be happy with. I'm sort of stuck in a theoretical circle. You see, I completely believe that Ben and I are meant to be together. On the other hand, I also believe that if I had never met Ben, I could still be as happy as I am with someone else. I don't know if I would be as happy as I am with Ben. I'm just saying I believe it is possible. I know, so unromantic for someone as hopelessly romantic as me. My point is that I think our lives start out with infinite paths ahead of us which are more or less equal in terms of our happiness. There are also paths which lead to unhappiness. Of the happy paths, our lives are a process of narrowing those paths. We decide who to be friends with, what schools to go to, who to marry, where to live, and so on. If we had chosen differently, we would still have what if thoughts. In the words of Tim McGraw, "Well you do what you do and you pay for your sins and there's no such thing as what might have been, that's a waste of time, drive you out of your mind." I don't regret the way my life is now. I love it. But I'm a curious person, I'll still wonder sometimes. Do you?

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